LittleJohn's big day - M the God-mother

It was Little John’s big day. I was invited. I am his special friend. The rest of the family tagged along. M said she was God. She hasn’t mentioned it before. I don’t think she is. Unless she works part-time. When God goes shopping or reads a book.

M put on a smart outfit. I didn’t think it was very godly but I didn’t say anything. She washed her hair. God used anti-dandruff shampoo.

We went to a church. There were lots of colourful paintings on the wall. They looked expensive. There were rows of wooden benches with a padded plank in front of them. They should have spent more on the seating and less on the pictures. There were funny windows. You couldn’t see through them. Someone had coloured them in. There were a few crosses at the front. Emma asked if I could see the noughts but they were hiding from me.

The church was full. Either they were paid to come or there was lunch afterwards.

I was the only toddler, except for Little John. Maybe only two toddlers are allowed in at a time. Like at the newsagents.

Little John was at the front. Having a snooze in his mother’s arms. He was wearing a blue outfit which looked good. But it was a touch tight around his tummy. He needs to dance a bit more and eat a bit less. His hair was longer. It was blonde. He must have been left out in the sun. He looked like his dad. Poor Little John.

The service started. M went to the front with some other people. They all looked smart. Maybe they knew they were in the presence of God. M smiled. Someone said M was a good-mother. I don’t think so.

Little John just slept. There was a man in a black dress. He spoke a lot. Mainly about Little John. I was surprised. Little John is only small and there’s not much to say about him. He doesn’t even dance. But the dress man kept talking.

After his talk, the dress man made a cross sign on Little John’s forehead. Little John snored a bit louder. He was then wrapped in a shawl. He must have been cold. He snored again.

Then the man got some water from a bowl. I don’t know what he was playing at but he poured it over Little John’s head. I was surprised by Little John’s dad. He saw what the man was doing and did nothing. I was on my way to complain but D stopped me. Amazingly Little John didn’t mind. The water woke him up. He looked at the man in the dress. I could see him thinking “why are you pouring water on my head”, why are all these people here, never mind lunch soon”. He rolled over and went back to sleep.

The service went on a bit. I walked along the plank. There was someone kneeling on it which was a bit annoying. They soon moved. I didn’t fall off the plank. Except once, when I knocked the hymn book on the floor. It can’t have made much noise as it didn’t wake Little John. There were some children sat in front of me. I poked them in the back. They looked round and scowled at me. I smiled back. They scowled some more. Some children are no fun.

I went looking for friendlier faces. I headed down the aisle towards the back of church. There was another dress at the back near the door. I went back to my seat.

Then the singing started. There was only one song. I couldn’t find a hymn book. D had one so I took his. The others had nearly finished by the time I started singing. I over-ran the end. By quite a bit. I’d started so I’d finish. But the dress man was looking at me. So I only sang a few lines more. And the odd little bit, later when he wasn’t looking.

The service was over. Little John woke up. He must have known it was time for lunch. We all headed off. Back to Little John’s house for lunch. There was food and drink.

The dress man came. He sat in the corner drinking wine. I saw the children I had poked. They had warmed up and were much more fun. They were running around and screaming. They had leant their mum their scowling faces.

Someone asked M if she was a god-mother. She said she was. I am very confused. How can she be God and God’s mother. If she is God’s mother, Edward may be God. I don’t think so.

Little John’s Dad said he wanted to say a few words. People wanted him to say a few words. He said more than a few words. He cried a bit which made the speech longer. I don’t know why he cried. I didn’t see anyone poke him. He said he was proud of Little John. He should be proud of him. Little John can snore really well and his clothes nearly fit. He may even learn to dance one day.

A bit later people started to leave. The scowling woman left with her poked children. We left the dress man asleep in a corner, snoring with Little John. M took us home. She looked tired. It must be hard work being God.