cakes

I am off for a week. My potty and I and potty family are off to Madeira. I have been told the cakes are very good. I am going on a cake fest. I may paddle a bit but only to give the cake maker time to bake. He's going to be very busy.

Egg problems

There is a problem with the chickens and the quails.

The chickens are laying three eggs a day. There are four of them. I am not sure if one doesn’t lay or if they are on shift work. Maybe they eat full time but lay part-time. I am trying to discover the truth. I have stared at them a lot. They are not giving much away. My pointing finger isn’t working. They all look guilty. They may all be guilty. But then I am not sure. They all look innocent as well. I will keep watching who goes to the laying box and who doesn't.

There is the same problem with the quails. They are laying three eggs a day. There are four of them. Three girls and one boy. The boy is not laying eggs. I know that. I have watched him closely. He also bullies the girls. He is always jumping on their backs. It’s not fair. Three girls working and one boy messing around. I have marked his card. He’d better start laying soon or else.

Le Tour de France

G and I like Le Tour. He watches it every day. I watch it now and again. If I can’t play with the onions.

The tour visits lots of countries. France is too small to have the whole race. It started in London. I don't think the Queen went. She was too busy with the BBC. The tour also went to Belgium. But not for long. There’s not much to do in Belgium. I’m not sure if the race is going to Spain (or Burkina Faso). You can’t go everywhere on a three week trip.

The race goes all over France. It starts at the top, goes down the bottom and back to the top. They should miss out the bottom bit where the big bumps are. I don’t know why they don’t miss out the middle bit as well. It would be much quicker.

The race is on for 3 weeks. D says it gives the French something to watch while at work. It looks the same every day. Except sometimes they throw in a hill to make it seem hard. Or a crash to make it seem exciting. Or another town so it looks like they go to different places.

There are lots of teams. G says they come from all over the world. The Discovery Channel comes from America. I don’t know what the Americans watch while the Channel is in France. They have won in the past. Mr Armstrong won. It was not surprising. If you can walk on the moon you can win cycle races.

The French let other people win. They are good like that. The Americans would be upset if they didn’t win now and again. Having spent so much money on the air fare. The French are a bit too kind. They always let others win.

There are lots of teams. I like credit agricole. They have a nice green and white top. T-mobile wear my shade of pink. I like some riders. Pereiro has a nice name. And Rasmussen. He wins sometimes. Even though he has an ugly jumper. There are some British riders. They help make up the numbers.

G saw the tour last year. He was on holiday. It went past his house. He waited for hours. Then loads of cars, bikes and police raced past. Lots of sound. Lots of noise. Lots of gifts: key-rings, hats and pens. Then the bikes arrived. Helmets passed by. Whish. Then gone. Everyone went home. G said the tour was very dangerous. He got hit by a flying key ring.

G wants to ride the tour. M is keen. He’ll be away for 3 weeks. I don’t think he would like it. Cycling for days. No cake stops. No eating ice creams. No “I think I’ll just stop for a little while”. G couldn’t ride this year. He says it’s a drug free tour. He had calpol a few days ago.

I like watching the race. It makes me want to cycle more. I always bring M when I cycle. I have a seat on the back of her bike. She does some of the work. But I do my bit. Balancing and sleeping is not easy.

The end of the race is the best. In the last few yards, the big people begin to try. They pedal very fast. They nearly crash. One of them wins. They look pleased. They forget it’s only a cycle race. Mind you if they win they might get the polka dot jumper. Even I would cycle for that. I wouldn’t want the yellow jumper. It doesn’t have spots.

The race

E was in a big race. I went to watch with D and G. It was raining. But then it is summer. I was wearing my spotted coat.

There was a big crowd. They must have known E was running. We sat in the stand. We watched others run. They were warming the track for E.

There was a tent in the crowd. It looked like my coat but with different coloured spots. It was sat on a seat watching.

I saw someone jumping over a pole. They kept on knocking it off. They should have gone under. There was plenty of room.

Someone else was throwing a big ball. They spun round, yelled and threw it. It didn’t go very far. It didn’t bounce either. It’s a shame they didn’t have a proper ball.

Someone else was throwing a long pole. I’m glad M wasn’t here. She would have told them off.

There was a sand pit. Much bigger than mine but it was short of bits and pieces. There were no spades or buckets. There were flags but they were small and not very colourful. A man was playing in the sand. He had a tape with him and a board. He kept measuring the sand and writing things down. He had to stop as big people kept jumping in. I felt sorry for him. It is hard enough building a castle without having sand jumpers.

It was time for E’s race. He lined up with some other boys. They were big. E is small. A man fired a gun. I don’t know where the bullet went but I am glad I ducked. It must have scared the boys. They started running. Some went fast. They must have been really scared. E went slow. He wasn’t scared. E doesn’t scare easily.

The race took a long time. They kept going round the same track again and again. It was a funny thing to do. One time they came round I thought E would stop. It had started to rain and we had his coat. But he kept going. He was overtaking boys like D overtakes cars on the motorway. But with less fuss.

Someone rang a bell. No-one stopped. E started to run even faster. He was running his fastest. He went really fast past the stand. Everyone clapped. He overtook one more boy just before the line. He didn’t win. The most scared had already finished.

The race was over and it was home time. E was tired. He shouldn't have run so far. I saw the man in the sand pit. He was still measuring. He still hadn’t started building. I saw the tent. It got in a car and went home.

Counting Visitors

I am now counting visitors. The last time I tried to count I ran out of fingers. I had to use my toes. When I reached 30 I had real problems.

I may reach 30. My friend in Burkina may visit again. And Little John. And maybe J, maybe...

Peas and Queues

I am a very polite girl. I always say "yes pease". I also nod my head. If I say "no" I shake my head. Sometimes I panic and shake and nod. I do get a bit confused.

I still point. My pointing finger works well. It helps to tell my shake from my nod. M says pointing is rude but I'm not going to stop. It works and my pointing finger is too young to retire.

I do get a lot of peas for dinner. M must have bought too many. They are always sitting on my plate. In a line. One behind the other. Looking at me. M says I should mind my p's and q's. I don't know what she's on about.

A good friend

I have a friend in Burkina Faso. I am not sure where it is. It sounds a long way away. Maybe in Lancashire. He sent me an e-mail. It was very nice of him. He wants to send me money. He has £28 million which he has kept for me. I could buy a dress with that. He will send me the money if I send him my bank details and passport number. I have a passport but no bank. He may not be happy. I am writing back to him. I will thank him for the money. I don’t want it all. It wouldn’t fit in my dungaree pocket. I will ask him for £10. He can keep the rest until I am bigger. Then we can meet and go dancing. I’ll ask if Little John can join us. He’ll know the way to Burkina Faso.

Zebras

I have to find new things to play with. I found the coal bucket. I played with the coal. I smudged coal over my face. I looked like a zebra. I played football with a piece of coal. You could see how straight my kicking was. Lines like toilet rolls coloured the carpet.

I went outside to say hello to the quails. They were playing in their pen. It has a wooden top on it. I played some music for them. I banged on their roof. And sang a bit.

I looked into the pen. The quails were right at the back. By the box. I was suprised that they could hear the music from there. They looked at me. And then rushed behind the box. That’s where they lay their eggs. Maybe they had some urgent laying to do. One peeped out. I smiled. She went back behind the box.

I went to see M. She’ll like my zebra face and my zebra stripes on the carpet. She likes zebras.

Party time

We all went to R’s house. They were having a big party. They have a big house. With lots of trees in their garden.

There was a bouncy castle. It rained. It always does when the bouncy castle turns up.

There was a disco in the barn. I went over. I danced. There was a machine which made bubbles. I was the only one dancing, except for the bubbles. Everyone else was eating or bouncing. There was also a smoke machine. It made smoke like candles. The dance floor was foggy at times. I got worried. My dancing feet went missing. Luckily they came back when the fog cleared.

I was hungry after the dancing. I found the food. The table was my height. I helped myself. Sausages first. Then I spotted the grapes. Nobody else was eating them so I thought I’d better finish them off. Most had gone when D took me away.

Little John was there. He’s stretched a bit since I last saw him. His hair still needs combing. His mum said that he likes to dance. I think she was just saying it. He never went on the dance floor.

I went back to the disco. On the way I saw the trees. They were dancing. I had another quick dance with the bubbles. Then it was cake time. Another birthday cake. But not a proper one. It didn’t have any smarties. And the cake only had a few candles. Yet they have such a big house.

We all sang happy birthday. The others got it wrong at the end. They said R instead of B. And R’s mum forgot to cover the cake with a tea towel.

Everyone had some cake. I had a quick bite. But I had the grapes to finish off.

I had one last dance before home. The eating had finished so there were a lot of dancers. It got a bit dangerous. Too may big people bouncing round. It was time for me to go. The bubbles had left earlier. All the grapes had gone. And the serious dancing was over.

Changes

Things have changed a bit.

There are no toilet rolls in the bathroom. The toilet roll holder is empty. I saw a roll snoozing on the window ledge. Too high for me. No art today.

There is now a one teddy rule. Only one teddy downstairs at any one time. They must have been naughty. It will be a quiet teddy day.

There is also a no dancing rule. M says no dancing on the high chair. The dance venue is closed. No dancing today.

The onions have moved out. The potatoes left with them. The cupboard is bare. No onions to play with.

There is still work to do. M's work papers are still around. They will look nice in the garden.